Introduction

When the functional is fundamental, that is living by dysfunction. It shows interdependence but it becomes dysfunctional when we start to depend on that which is not dependable. Small “i” independence is to say “no” more to buying more, to socializing more etc. 

The sādhana-catuṣṭaya outlines the qualities which help one follow the fundamental. 

The first quality is vairagya, which you get through tapa. Why practice tapa? Engage in something that which my mind does not want to engage in. When the mind wants to be extroverted, using willpower to move inwards is tapa. This helps the mind move from the short- term to the long-term. 

The second quality is viveka which is prioritization – to say yes. When we use a filter, we keep the more important components and let go of the less important components. Every experience has an opportunity cost – you cannot have it all, you cannot prioritize it all. 

When you are clear about the utility of saying yes, you follow through with it. If you are confused, you will lose it. Imagine if you never reflected, you were not on this journey etc., what would you be doing/feeling? 

Communal Reflection question: Why is it difficult to say no? 

Shared Reflection summary:

1. Fear of missing out, what others might say if I don’t say yes.
2. If there is a strong yes, there can be a strong no. 
3. Wanting to please others. 
4. Don’t want to hurt people, be accommodating, confusing kindness with self-sacrifice.
5. Low self-confidence and self-worth tied to doing things. Not realizing worth is inherent and not having clarity of purpose. 
6. Forgetting that there may be other options to help instead of us saying yes.
7. Avoiding conflict.
8. Don’t want to let others down and the expectations they have.
9. Strong need to contribute / doing. Mindset of “It’s not a privilege if I’m not sharing it”.
10. Forgetting that Bhagavan guides all our actions. 
11. To exert control and because if we want to go far we have to go with others. 

Vivekji’s reflection: In Srimad Bhagavatam, Shri Krishna plays the flute and only the Gopis can hear it and come to Him. They share with Him that you have taught us that our only relationship is with You, that’s why we are here. 

When we feel validated by others, it is hard to say no. But the more we know of the Divine, the more we will say yes to the Divine because it includes all others in our life. Individual success is only meaningful if it is aligned with collective success. 

Do we know the Divine? Do we know what freedom is? Then saying yes will be natural. The more I become happy (independently joyous), the more I become helpful. 

Question 1

Why do Shri Vidura and Shri Balarama go away on yatras when important things are happening? Is this not escapism? 

Vivekji’s Response

Shri Vidura is the sibling of Raja Dhrithrashtra. He was the minister of his brother, but Raja Dhrithrashtra was a closed person so, Shri Vidura had no influence over his brother.

Shri Balarama saw the positivity of the Kauravas. But Shri Krishna had the leadership skills to say no even at the expense of hurting someone that likes you. Shri Balarama went away on a yatra so he could be in sattva by himself since he did not have Shri Krishna’s skills. 

Question 2

What are the 4 quarters of learning?

Vivekji’s Response

One quarter from scriptures/God’s grace, one quarter from Guru/Guide, one quarter from peers and one quarter from time (one’s self).

Question 3

How do I figure out whether something is a good sankalpa or just the mind’s ponderings? 

Vivekji’s Response

The more clear, deeper relationship you have with the Divine, the more you will tune into that. Quietude helps tune into the Divine and what the Divine is willing. When you understand the Divine’s plan, you can facilitate it.

When analyzing whether it is your desire or communal desire, reflect on the impact. If the impact is limited to you/ immediate family. If the impact is more deep and authentic, then it is to do with the Divine. 

Vivekji’s sankalpa-s are always revolving around Swami Tejomayananda. He is the one doing the actual upliftment and Vivekji’s responsibility is to support him.

Question 4

When trying to understand our own nature, how do we know our individual selves better?

Vivekji’s Response

You have application (e.g. you know what pleases you, makes you uncomfortable etc.) with your relative self. The absolute Self (joy, awareness) is theoretical. The clearer you are with the relative self, you can move towards the absolute Self. If you don’t understand your mind well, you cannot quieten it etc. 

If your purpose is to get to know yourself better, you will always be seeking to understand yourself better. It is a purpose, not an action. 

Question 5 

How do I go forward with friendships where they have supported me in the past, but feel disconnected with their current behaviours/interests/values?

Vivekji’s Response 

Imagine if Swami Tejomayananda joined this call, he would be accepting of all our journeys. There is empathy that this journey is regulated by the Divine and very intimate. You may be more evolved than your friends, but you are less evolved than someone else. You want that person to empathize with you that you are evolving, so do the same for those less evolved. 

The most external facet of who we are is our lifestyle. Don’t take it so seriously, and it won’t affect you as much. The decisions people make, the thoughts and ideals they have is more than their lifestyle. If you don’t remember this, you will be uncomfortable and they will be uncomfortable. 

Reflection Assignment

Previous Reflection: To label less. It is liberating

Come up with an analysis of your lifestyle and identify 3 facets where you need to say no more to and say yes more to.