Introduction 

Being a good listener is invaluable. Requires sincere effort and practice. The better a listener one is, the better one knows their own strengths and weaknesses. 

Active listening checklist:

1. Do you focus on and identify with the other person?
2. Do you pause and suspend your own thoughts and feelings?
3. Do you enter into the others’ world? 
4. Do you become completely present to the other person? 
5. Do you suspend judgements and criticism?
6. You don’t belittle or deride the person.
7. Do you listen without getting defensive?
8. Are you present without withdrawing?
9. Do you keep an open mind?
10. Do you understand another person’s feelings?
11. Do you accept that others’ feelings are valid?
12. Do you look for attitudes and feelings behind the message?
13. Do you suspend looking for solutions?
14. Do others treasure their confidence in you?
15. Are you sensitive to others’ feelings AND you let them know this?

Questions to reflect on: What have you learned based on this active listening checklist?

Question 1: 

In the Hanuman Chalisa verse 30, how can we reconcile including the good and the bad with keeping the company of only the good?

Vivekji’s Response:

One needs to keep company of the good when they are building strength (for example, when young and building immunity). When you are a beginner or intermediate seeker, be around those who are good to solidify your goodness and not be influenced by the negative. Once your goodness is solidified, context doesn’t matter. 

When around the presence of negative influence:

1. try to change the subject (e.g. when gossiping etc introduce a different topic),
2. engage in japa while in that gathering, 
3. leave that context. 

Question 2:

In the Gita and Upanishads, it talks about the Self and merging with the Self. How do we combine living in this oneness vs. how we live everyday (separate vs. oneness)? 

Vivekji’s Response

Whatever you value, you will follow. So de-value functionality and increase the value of oneness, because functionality does not mean anything in the broader context. Tapa, to burn one’s comfort zone is important to do this. Grace makes you inquire and courage makes you follow through. 

Everything happens for a reason. And every being you interact with has a strength (bhagya) and plays a part in the whole. This helps us interact with others in a more virtuous way. Keep trying and slowly you will see oneness where you currently see two-ness.

Question 3:

My faith in Bhagavan has increased over time. Am I using faith as a curtain to hide behind, i.e. knowing that everything will work out makes me make different choices (e.g. studying vs. attending reflect & ask)? 

Vivekji’s Response: 

What would you be doing instead and what is going to provide the greatest utility in the long run? But this is something you need to answer yourself. So identify your responsibility and think about how to follow through with that. 

We work hard 100% of the time, but we work smart (working in an organized way) 75% of the time, and sattvic (working with a quiet mind) only 50% of the time. So increase smartness and sattva. 

Question 4:

In active listening, how do we suspend looking for solutions? 

Vivekji’s Response: 

You have to listen and not give advice once a child is 16 years old.  A sign of care and love is adaptability, so you have to change the way you give advice after 16 years old. People want to be heard and seen. Ask if they want your reflections / advice. 

When offering advice, offer in the right time, space and energy. The person should be receptive. When giving advice to people you work with, build the relationship first. 

Reflection Assignment

Last week: Pick a course online and study during the break. Study like you are going to teach it. 

This week: Be cheerful, don’t complain and care about what you’re doing and the people around you.