Introduction

In the Mahabharata, there’s a very unique happening during the war when Prince Arjuna, Shri Krishna, and the horses are working so, so, so, so hard to fight to win this war. At one point, Shri Krishna senses that these horses can’t keep up, so He shares with Prince Arjuna, I need to look after these horses. You do what you need to do. And Prince Arjuna agrees. Prince Arjuna comes off the chariot, and Shri Krishna goes to look after these horses. He feeds them, He quenches them. He even massaged their hoofs because they’ve been moving around so much. While this is happening, Prince Arjuna is still fighting. He’s now on foot, not on chariot, and he’s still fighting and fighting and fighting, and he’s so formidable in his fighting. 

What commentators have shared about this is for a seeker to develop the ability to refresh themselves, that despite so many responsibilities, despite so many setbacks, whether it’s the weather or economy or health or family, that one is able to refresh themselves while simultaneously engaging in this fight, in their responsibilities. The way to refresh oneself while engaging in one’s responsibilities is through inquiry. When one starts to inquire into purpose, into peace, that is so refreshing. Inquiry is actually invigorating as is this class, Reflect & Ask. We are invigorating ourselves through inquiry with this context.

Question 1 

In the Bhāgavatam and many of our scriptures, it seems that Bhagavān Nārāyaṇa is always aligned with the Devas. Yet, when we look closely, many of the Devas—especially Indra—often display qualities we would consider negative, such as pride, greed, or selfishness.

On the other hand, Bhagavān Brahmā and Bhagavān Śiva seem more impartial, sometimes helping both Devas and Asuras. But Bhagavān Nārāyaṇa appears to favor the Devas, even when their conduct isn’t ideal.

Could you please share some insight into why that is? Why does it appear that Bhagavān Nārāyaṇa sides with the Devas, despite their flaws?

Vivekji’s Response:

First, among the Trimurti, Bhagavān Brahmā, Bhagavān Śiva, and Bhagavān Nārāyaṇa, Bhagavān Brahmā is the easiest to please, then Bhagavān Śiva, and finally Bhagavān Nārāyaṇa. So if someone wants quick favors or quick results, they often approach Bhagavan Brahmā first. This sets the stage for understanding their roles.

Second, Bhagavān Nārāyaṇa is not “on the side of the Devas.” He is on the side of dharma, the side of rightness, not a particular group.

To understand this, look at the nature of the Asuras, Devas, and humans:

• Asuras are mostly filled with vices.
• Devas are mostly filled with virtues.
• Humans (all of us) are a mixture of both.

There’s an emphasis on ‘mostly’, not absolutely. Devas are not perfect; they do have ego, jealousy, and selfishness at times. But because they are mainly sāttvic, their faults stand out more clearly like a stain on a white shirt. If I’m wearing a dark sweater, you may not notice a spill. But on a white shirt, even a drop is visible. In the same way, the Devas’ faults appear more obvious precisely because they are generally virtuous.

Again, Bhagavān Nārāyaṇa always sides with what is right, not with a particular personality or group.

Examples make this very clear:

• In the Rāmāyaṇa, Vāli (Indra’s incarnation) and Sugrīva (Sūrya’s incarnation) fight. Śrī Rāma sides with Sugrīva, the Sūrya-incarnation.
• In the Mahābhārata, Karṇa is Sūrya’s son, and Arjuna is Indra’s son. There, Śrī Kṛṣṇa sides with Arjuna, the Indra-incarnation.

So in one epic, Bhagavān supports the Sūrya-line, and in the next, He supports the Indra-line. This shows He is not loyal to a person or their lineage. He is loyal to dharma.

Another example: Vibhīṣaṇa was an Asura, brother of Rāvaṇa. Yet when he surrendered to Śrī Rāma, Rāma immediately called him Laṅkeśvara, the rightful king of Lanka because Vibhīṣaṇa stood for virtue and righteousness.

So the conclusion is clear:
Divinity stands with dharma, not with the Devas, not with the Asuras, not with any lineage.
Wherever righteousness is, there Bhagavān is.

To make this practical: even in our community, some people may be more financially resourceful and others less so. But neither wealth nor status determines who has influence or who is respected. The ones who contribute, who put in sincere effort, and who stand for what is right naturally guide the community. That is dharma in action.

So Bhagavān’s “partiality” is never toward a group.  It is always toward rightness.

Question 2 

I understand that, ideally, we should try to connect with all people — to see the Divine in everyone. But in reality, it can be challenging to connect with certain individuals, especially those who are grumpy, angry, or who strongly disagree with us.

You often speak about absorbing other people’s negativity or anger, but I’m wondering how to apply that in a practical way. How do we actually do that in day-to-day situations? And how far should we go in trying to connect with someone who seems disconnected from us or difficult to relate to?

In a practical, real-life sense, how do we know when to keep trying and when to step back?.

Vivekji’s Response:

The people who are closest to you are in your life to train you in a very specific way.

Think about a spouse, a child, a cousin, or any family member who frustrates you or disappoints you more than anyone else. That unique frustration is their specific training for you. Only they can offer that exact lesson.

So the next time someone close to you really bothers you, say internally, “Thank you for this exact training that only you can give me.” And I mean that sincerely. In my own life, no one can frustrate me the way my wife can. No one can disappoint me the way my children can. My sisters can’t evoke in me what my wife does, and my cousins can’t evoke what my children do.
Why? Because they each have a specific entry point into my vices and virtues. And the same is true for you. Use that as training.

Principle vs. Personality

When it comes to feeling Oneness with all beings, remember:
It is not about your personality matching someone else’s personality.
It is about your personality aligning with the principle.

For example, you mentioned Michigan earlier. If you go up north, there are wolves there. Should you walk into the forest, hug the wolves, kiss them, massage their feet? Of course not! You wouldn’t be with us next week.

Functionally, a wolf is very different from a close friend or family member. You don’t treat them the same way. But in principle, your loved one is an expression of Divinity, and that wolf is an expression of Divinity.

So fundamentally, all beings are the same, but functionally, they are very different.

This means you don’t have to be best friends with every single person. That is not practical. Just know, at the level of principle, all are Divine.

Annoyed vs. Angry

One more narrative for relationships especially for the people closest to us.

I recently told a group of young caregivers that it is okay to be annoyed, but try not to let annoyance turn into anger. Annoyance is normal like catching the flu. Most of us will get it at some point this year.  But anger is like cancer, which is much more damaging if it settles in.

As you practice Oneness or respect toward those around you, it is not going to happen overnight. It might not even happen this year. Give yourself grace.

If you allow yourself to be human and accept that annoyance arises, you will keep moving forward. But if you become angry at yourself for getting annoyed, you will become discouraged and stop progressing.

So be patient with your mind. Accept the growth process. And keep practicing.

Question 3 

I’ve been reflecting on the difference between empathy and compassion. I understand the ideas intellectually, but I’m not fully sure how they show up in real-life action. Practically speaking, what is the difference between being empathetic and being compassionate? How does each one actually express itself in behavior?

Vivekji’s Response: 

Overall, there isn’t a major difference between empathy and compassion.  Often these are matters of semantics. But if you’d like a clearer distinction, we can break it down step by step through feelings.

To understand empathy, let’s start with apathy.
A synonym is not simply “indifference.” It’s deeper.  It’s closer to hatred.
Why?

• Apathy: I know you have a problem, and I don’t care.
  This is not ignorance; it’s negligence. Ignorance is when I don’t know about your problem. Apathy is when I know, and still do nothing.

Now lift it one level to sympathy.
A synonym here is fear.
Why?

• Sympathy: I know you have a problem, but I’m still more concerned with my own problem.
  I care, but I care more about myself. That’s sympathy.

Now elevate this further to empathy.
A synonym here is love.

• Empathy: We both have problems, but I care more about your problem than my own.
  Empathy requires a shared experience.
  If you and I have both gone through the same type of difficulty, we can truly understand one another.

For example:
You’re a parent; I’m a parent so we can empathize. But if you have lost a parent and I have not, then I cannot empathize – only sympathize. I can care, I can imagine, but I cannot fully feel what you feel because we don’t share that experience.

Understanding compassion:

Compassion comes in two layers

1. Lower compassion (sympathy-based):
   I don’t share your experience, but I am sincerely trying to understand what you are going through. I am making an effort to know your pain.
2. Higher compassion (empathy-based):
   I do share your experience, so my support is deeper and more natural.

In both forms of compassion, I want to help you but the depth of my support changes depending on whether we have walked the same path.

The literal meaning of compassion is “to suffer with another.”
If I’ve never had cancer, I can sympathize with someone who has, but I can’t suffer with them the same way another cancer survivor can. Shared experience amplifies compassion.

So these distinctions help clarify:

• Apathy: I know, and I don’t care.
• Sympathy: I know, and I care but I’m still focused on myself.
• Empathy: I know, and I care more about you than myself.
• Compassion: I join you in your suffering either by understanding deeply or by genuinely trying to.

Question 4:

The different levels of prayer that have been taught are: asking, offering gratitude, and silence. I’ve stopped the asking part, and right now I find myself moving back and forth between gratitude and silence. How do I remain steadily in the state of silence in my prayers? 

Vivekji’s Response:

When you’re feeling sāttvic, silence comes naturally.  The mind is quiet, steady, and inward. In that state, you don’t think about God’s gifts; you simply rest in God. It becomes a direct relationship, not an indirect one. Silence is simply being with the Divine: watching, listening, or abiding in God.

But when you are feeling rājasic, meaning your mind is active, restless, or stirred by external energy, it becomes harder to stay in silence. That’s when practicing gratitude is very helpful. Gratitude still keeps you connected to the Divine, but through God’s gifts rather than God’s essence.

For example, if I’m in a rājasic state, I might feel grateful for my health, that tomorrow is Friday, that I get to play soccer, that we have a car, clean water, internet, and so on. These are all gifts from God. Gratitude redirects the restless mind toward something uplifting instead of letting it devolve into agitation.

So the practice is simple:

• If you are rājasic, choose gratitude.
  It keeps your mind connected to God’s grace.
• If you are sāttvic, rest in silence.
  It keeps your mind connected to God directly.

Both are valid. Operate at the level of the guna you are experiencing at that moment.

Ultimately, the deepest prayer is simply being with God. Even the desire for moksha has to be transcended. Even the desire to be desireless is still a desire. In the highest state, nothing remains except:
“I just want to be with the Divine. Period.”

Question 5 

I recently let go of a significant responsibility, and I’m trying to understand my own feelings around it. How do I distinguish between genuine excitement or optimism about the future and the more subconscious sense of relief that comes from no longer carrying that responsibility?

Vivekji’s Response:

Let me begin with an example I shared recently with another seeker in our community, a family you actually know. I was sitting with the father, who is around fifty, and the daughter, who is around twenty. We were discussing what it means to remain unaffected.

I told them:
If I insult the father, perhaps he has already been insulted hundreds of times in his life. But if I insult the daughter, she may have experienced that only a handful of times. Naturally, it will affect her much more.
Why?
Because the older person simply has more life experience, more ups and downs to draw from.

Similarly for you, right now, letting go of that responsibility feels very final, very serious. But look around this group. There are people here who are thirty, forty, fifty. They have gone through job changes, relationship changes, moves to new cities so many shifts and they are still here, doing just fine.

The point is: This too will pass.

1. If you’ve done your best, the result is not your concern.

Knowing you, and most of the people in this class, you do give your best. And if you’ve done your best, then whatever outcome comes afterward is simply not your problem.

Acharya Shankara, in the Dainyaṣṭakam, gives the beautiful line:
“A seeker is not a fruit-eater.”  which means  I do the action, but I do not consume the fruits.

Whether your responsibilities grow or shrink, as long as you do your dharma sincerely, the outcome should not trouble you.

2. Enjoy this phase of your life. Responsibilities will intensify later.

You are still very young. This stage is meant to be more carefree.

I’m generally a happy person, and when I think about my own high-school and university days, they were such light, relaxed years. Only once I began serious Vedānta study did life become heavy, focused, and intense.

You are still in that earlier stage. So enjoy where you are. The people around you, literally the people sitting next to you right now, are there to look after you in functional matters.
A time will come when the Divine says, “Now your responsibilities must deepen,” and you will rise to that moment then.

3. Don’t let other people’s opinions hold you hostage.

A seeker in our community has been considering taking a demotion, maybe even quitting their job because through God’s grace, their family can manage on a single income. This person needs more time to care for their own well-being so they can care for others.

The only thing holding them back was:  “What will people think of me?”

And I told them: Everyone is stuck inside their own head. Nobody is thinking about you.

I’ve been teaching for eighteen years. Nobody follows what I say! Nobody listens!  So how can I take anything personally? It’s all just a play.

Once that seeker internalized that other people’s opinions do not matter, they finally did what was right for their own well-being.

So I say the same to you:
As your responsibilities shift, seven people will seven different opinions. But really, they’re not thinking about you, you’re just standing in front of them, so they use your name while thinking about their own stories.

Summary

• This phase will pass; experience will steady you.
• Do your best; let go of the results.
• Enjoy the lightness of this period in your life.
• Don’t let other people’s opinions define your choices.

You are exactly where you need to be.

Question 6 

I often notice people who move through the world with good intentions, yet unintentionally cause harm. Because their intentions feel pure to them, they sometimes become blind to the impact of their actions and even resist feedback.

My concern is: how do I prevent that in myself? How do I ensure that I don’t develop the same blind spots where I rely too much on my good intentions and become unaware of the harm I might be causing, or stop being receptive to feedback? How can I stay accountable and not fall into that pattern of obliviousness?

Vivekji’s Response:

First, try your best to keep the company of sattvic people. In the Ramayana, when Hanumanji asks Angada where he is staying, Angada replies, “I am living in a kāla-maṇḍalī.”
Kāla means viciousness; maṇḍalī means a web or circle. When someone lives surrounded by people who are selfish or harsh, they slowly become the same way without realizing it.

The opposite is also true:
When you spend time with sattvic, sensitive people, your tendency to justify your own negativity becomes much smaller.
A sattvic person will tell you honestly, “What you’re saying isn’t right,” or “Your thinking is getting off track.” Their presence becomes a corrective force.

2. Be around diverse groups — not only people like yourself.

If you only socialize with people who think like you, behave like you, or come from similar backgrounds, they will become “yes-people.” They will affirm whatever you say and won’t challenge your blind spots.

But when you engage with diverse groups, you receive a more realistic feedback loop. For example, private-school environments often represent a narrow slice of society, usually more privileged. Public schools tend to show a fuller spectrum: wealthier, less wealthy, academically strong, academically struggling, and so on. Diversity gives you reality checks.

3. When someone gives you feedback, positive or negative, store it first, don’t react.

Treat feedback the way you treat children’s Halloween candy. When kids come home with a bag of candy, you don’t let them eat it immediately. You dump it out, sort it, check what’s safe, remove the shady or open pieces, and keep what’s good.

Do the same with feedback:

• If someone says, “You’re boring,” don’t react.
• If someone says, “You’re the nicest person I know,” don’t react.

Hold it first. Later, reflect quietly:
“Is this true? If yes, how do I deepen it? If not, how do I discard it?”

This prevents your intentions from blinding you to your impact.

4. Remember: Others’ opinions are their estimation not your identity.

When you take care of many responsibilities and people, you will hear countless opinions. One person will praise you; another will criticize you. But these are simply their estimations not your truth. You must develop your own estimation of yourself through introspection, not through others’ voices.

5. Allow yourself to feel emotions without letting them define you.

In daily life, many people will demand your attention, give unsolicited advice, or add pressure. You may feel temporarily annoyed, that’s normal. After a long day or heavy responsibilities, anyone would.

The key is:

• Give yourself space to feel the emotion,
• But don’t let it devolve into anger or self-judgment.

If you feel annoyed for five minutes, that does not make you “an angry person.” If you feel discouraged briefly, it does not make you “a negative person.”

Temporary emotions do not define your character.

Summary

• Stay close to sattvic and honest people.
• Maintain a diverse circle to get real feedback.
• Hold all feedback before responding; sort it later.
• Form your own self-assessment, not one shaped by others’ judgments.
• Allow emotions to arise without letting them become your identity.

This is how you remain accountable, receptive, and self-aware without developing the blind spots you’re concerned about.

Question 7 

If I’m the one who has been harmed, but I fully understand that the harm was unintentional, the part I struggle with is when there is no remorse or acknowledgement from the other person. When I offer feedback and it isn’t recognized or validated in the way one might hope, how do I reconcile that? How do I move forward when understanding is there, but closure or acknowledgement is not?

Vivekji’s Response: 

When someone harms you even unintentionally try to see it through a different lens. If another person does something that hurts us, we call it harm. But if Bhagavān did the exact same thing, we would call it teasing or training.

So begin by cultivating the feeling:  “This is Bhagavān teasing me, strengthening me, shaping me.”  That shift alone softens a lot of the hurt.

Another angle:
You mentioned that the other person harmed you unintentionally. That means you are interpreting the event at the implementation level, not at the intention level. When we focus only on what happened rather than why it happened, the mind clings to the hurt.

For example, if someone accidentally trips me while I’m playing a sport, and we both know it was not intentional, there is no negativity, play stops, we reset, and we move on. But if the same person deliberately tried to trip me, the entire emotional tone would be different.

So tune into the intention, not the mere action.

1. Look at the intention behind the harm. If the intention was clean, the experience needs no emotional residue.

2. Over-communicate rather than under-communicate. If something bothers you:

1. First, handle it internally as best as you can.
2. If needed, share it with someone you trust to process your feelings.
3. And if appropriate, communicate directly with the person involved, but in the right time, space, and energy.

Often the other person may have no idea their action affected you. When expressed gently and in the right environment, communication creates movement and clarity.

3. Not everyone is meant to be in your inner circle.

In life, there are filters, people who move with us and people who don’t, depending on alignment of temperament, values, and readiness. This is true for friendships, communities, and even spiritual travel or service. Clarity about relationships is healthy; not everyone needs to be included in every aspect of your journey.

Summary

• Reinterpret harm as Bhagavān’s gentle training.
• Look at the person’s intention, not only the outcome.
• Communicate clearly and early rather than holding things in.
• Give yourself permission to create healthy boundaries with those who are not aligned.

This is how you release the need for external acknowledgment and allow yourself to move forward with peace.

Reflection

Last week’s reflection homework was:
“Do not take anything personally.” When you avoid taking things personally, you give yourself the grace to step one inch off the path but not to wander a mile away. There’s a big difference between a slight deviation and a total derailment. Think of the difference between being annoyed and being angry. The gap between them is enormous. Annoyance is a small ripple; anger is a full storm.

Similarly, if you begin to take something slightly personally but quickly come back to center that’s okay. You haven’t lost your inner balance. But when you fully take things personally, it’s like jumping from annoyance straight into anger. The greatest possession you have is the quietude of your mind. When you take things personally, you hand that possession away. That is a very poor opportunity cost.

Reflection Adventure of the Week (for the next 2 weeks)
Do not feel tired for two weeks. Inquiry is what invigorates.
We all know physically we are not very active. Most of us sit through Zoom classes; we plop ourselves down and call that a day. Our tiredness is rarely physical. What exhausts us is mental strain, not physical exertion. For two weeks, whenever tiredness appears, immediately apply inquiry. Look into why the mind is dropping, what assumption is draining you, what thought is pulling you down. Let inquiry re-energize you.