Introduction

Stepping Stones is a series of videos aimed at middle schoolers. The topic covered over the past two weeks in this series is how to be a Worry Warrior. Young people, as they grow, go from being strong to experiencing stress. When you don’t do anything about negativity, you normalize it. Stress (specific) devolves into anxiety (general). This is why it is important to be sensitive to negativity.

A teacher, Madhusudhana Saraswati, has shared that we should be like an eye ball (a sensitive external organ). This will help us do something about negativity before it makes us devolve. 

We create stress by competing against people – we want to “be” like another person not realizing we are custom designed to be “us”. Instead, we can have the strengths of someone else while still being ourselves; this inspires us to be the best version of ourselves and keeps us humble and makes us have gratitude for the opportunities we have. 

Opening Reflection 

Shashikala-ji will be the guide for this week. In the Ramayana’s Ayodhya-kandam, Shri Rama, Lakshmana and Sita Devi bid farewell to Mother Kaushalya. Mother Kaushalya is distraught as Shri Rama is going away to the forest for 14 years. She is also worried that Sita devi won’t treat her son well due to the hardship he has fallen into. She says to Sita Devi that women are wicked, only fair weather partners to their husbands. Such women are sinful, hard-hearted (she is thinking of Kaikeyi, but saying this to Sita). Virtuous women treat their husbands as Gd. 

Sita Devi responds in a respectful manner that it is wrong to abandon one’s husband during hard times. She asks Kaushalya not to equate her to wicked women and that she cannot be separated from her virtues (similar to a chariot without wheels). Her husband is a source of boundless joy for her. 

Sita Devi’s courage, assertiveness and steadfastness to her virtues are apparent in her response to Kaushalya. She sees her devotion to Shri Rama as sacred. 

Q&A

Question 1

What are some ways to disagree without making it feel personal? 

Vivekji’s Response

Remember that people were raised differently and their vasanas are different. Your greatest asset is peace of mind, so don’t give it away. When you have peace of mind, everything that comes in and out of you is better. This will help you not take things personally. 

Question 2

Why do we stay silent and not speak up for what is right? 

When should we stay silent and deal with what is happening? 

Vivekji’s Response

A leader is one who knows when to stand up and speak, but also sit down and listen. Great listeners become great speakers.

We stay silent when we should speak up because we don’t have enough faith/clarity about what is right. We may also not have a strong relationship / relatability with what is right. 

Often it is more important to maintain a relationship than it is to be right. In such instances, we need to absorb the other person’s negativity / opinions and not be defensive. We need titiksha (endurance). 

Question 3 

Is it healthy over the long-term to let someone believe they are right even if they are not?

Vivekji’s Response 

When it comes to relationships, there are no rules of thumb, and they should be managed on a case-by-case basis. For example, sometimes there are husbands who don’t treat their wives well and this is observed by their children. This is normalized by children that this is how relationships should be. This is an example of when the wife should stand up for the sake of the next generation (following the path of Shreya, not Preya).

This is similar to the sacrifice the Pandavas made by fighting the Kauravas; even though it was not in their nature to fight, it was the best in the long-term. 

Question 4

How do you become less defensive? 

Vivekji’s Response

One sign of not being defensive is that one is able to compartmentalize a disagreement and move on to the next responsibility. Most of us carry around emotional baggage by letting disagreements “bleed” into our responsibilities. 

Inwardly, we need to start with openness that the other person is right. This will help us acknowledge if we need to change something in ourselves. If the other person is not right, we don’t need to take it personally. 

Reflection Assignment (RAW)

What strength and what vice of your parent have you taken on?